in media res
by Potterworm
Summary: In another world, Sirius switches with Remus Lupin. As the Secret Keeper, Remus would never intentionally betray Lily and James. But the Death Eaters were adept at interrogation, and no one expected what they would do. [AU] [complete]


**Disclaimer:** In another world, Sirius switches with Remus Lupin. As the Secret Keeper, Remus would _never_ intentionallybetray Lily and James. But the Death Eaters were adept at interrogation, and no one expected what they would do. [AU] [complete]

 **Author's Note:** "in media res" is a fun, literary term meaning "in the middle." In other words, this story starts on day twelve, even though there are days one through eleven. In other, other words, you aren't supposed to know everything, because Remus doesn't know everything, and we're limited to his point of view.

 **in media res**

 _By Potterworm_

 **day twelve.**

Remus wakes with a start to the sound of the bars on his cell clinking open. It's not that he isn't terrified, but he is so tired that he can hardly open his eyes. He's lost track of the days and the time, but he recognizes the scent of the Death Eater who walks in. It's like old cigarettes and moths and _death._

He laughs at his own pun, and the Death Eater – Macnair he thought his name was – starts. "Laughing at me, are you, Lupin? Well, you won't laugh for long."

"Wha-" Remus tries to say and then clears his throat, which is strained from screaming. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The Death Eater laughs, drops a bowl filled with gruel on the floor, and leaves the cage again. Just as Remus is wondering what the point of even entering his cell was, Macnair fires a curse at him.

He doesn't know the name of the curse, or even his own name, for a while after that.

 **day fourteen.**

"I won't tell. I won't."

 **day fifteen.**

He spots Snape about two weeks in and just stares at him. It's sad, is what it is. After all those years, all those years of Sirius and James complaining about dirty, dark Snivellus, Remus had really and truly believed Snape was going to turn out okay.

Snape fires a curse at him, and Remus doesn't scream, doesn't cry, doesn't laugh. He just stares at this boy that he went to classes with for seven years and wonders how they both got here.

He passes out after that.

 **day sixteen.**

Remus guesses he's been here for about two weeks when he first starts to wonder how James and Lily are doing. It's not that he's going to give them up. It's not. He had _promised._

The double-cross had been ingenious, honestly. One of Sirius's and James's best plans. They had come to him in the middle of the night, cast some secrecy spells on his small apartment and said, "Marauders for life, right Remus?"

He had blinked and said, "Obviously."

So obviously when Sirius said he'd be the one the Death Eaters hunted, while Remus would never even be thought of, Remus had agreed to become Secret Keeper. And they weren't stupid; they knew Death Eaters were smart. They planned it over weeks. They staged public feuds in the Leaky Cauldron. They made it seem like Remus was "dark" and not wanted by the group anymore, like there was no chance he'd be picked.

Remus wanted to know how the Death Eaters had found out. But he realized he may never know. There were a thousand spells to eavesdrop, a thousand ways to get information with magic.

He just hoped Sirius was safe. He hoped that James, Lily, and Harry were too.

They _trusted_ him. In spite of being a werewolf, in spite of the wizarding world's prejudices, in spite of a thousand reasons not to, they trusted him. Remus wouldn't betray family.

 **day seventeen.**

Sometime in – he's lost track of the days – they discover a spell which rips his toenails off. They alternate between that and the Cruciatus.

When they tire, as they leave, they say, "Everyone breaks, Lupin."

"Not likely," he breathes. It's the first time he's spoken in days. They fire a curse at him and the world goes black.

 **day twenty-two.**

He wakes up a few days later, somehow conscious of time passing. Remus can't figure out how long it's been, but he somehow knows _time has passed._

It's distinctly similar to the feeling of having been black-out drunk at the Three Broomsticks in his seventh year, and that time, he had told his crush he liked her. _So what had he said this time?_

He vomits into his own hands and realizes his fingernails are back. He doesn't know what that means.

 **day twenty-three.**

He starts to wonder if they'll ever kill him or even if they'll ever bring in Voldemort. (He refuses to refer to him as Lord.)

He is suddenly very, very afraid. He's heard there are ways to read minds and wonders why they haven't tried that yet.

(He wonders if they just enjoy torture so much that getting the truth is mattering less and less.)

 **day twenty-four.**

It all goes to hell a few weeks in. Remus blinks awake and finds his arms chained. He blinks in surprise and moves his arm. He hasn't been chained since the first night.

He looks around and recognizes his cell. And then wets his lips to try to speak when he sees a young girl sitting in the cell with him.

It takes a few attempts, but he says, "Hullo."

She looks about seven, he thinks. He's never been good at estimating ages, but he had some cousins who would visit when he was young, and she doesn't look old enough for Hogwarts.

"What's your name?" he adds, when she doesn't seem prone to speak.

Her hair is in curly brown ringlets, and she's wearing Muggle trainers. She has jean shorts to her knees and a blouse. No robes, he notes.

"I'm Melanie," she says, finally. A long moment passes, and then she adds, "The bad men came."

Remus looks at her and wonders what child today doesn't know the name of the bad men. Then he wonders, "Are you magical?" To hell with the Statue of Secrecy.

She looks stunned and then nods.

"Me too," he adds.

Melanie warms to him immediately and comes over to him. She rests an arm on his and he hisses. "You have a boo-boo," she says.

He laughs, a big, barking laugh that makes him ache for Sirius. "I do." He wishes he could do healing spells wandlessly, but realizes that there are probably wards to prevent it.

Not for the first time, he wonders what the hell the Death Eaters are even planning. Nothing has made sense in a long time – not since that promise he made. ( _He mustn't forget.)_

The Death Eaters don't come in that day, but instead watch them from outside the cell. Remus has the distinctly odd feeling of being an animal at the Muggle zoo and then promptly vomits.

He understands now.

(Melanie screams in fright after he is sick, but he turns towards the wall and doesn't comfort her. He sleeps, never having felt like less of a Gryffindor.)

 **day twenty-five.**

It's not a cell. It's a _cage._

 **day twenty-six.**

 **afternoon.**

Remus can't believe he's not kept track of time at all. When he can bear to look at her again, he tries asking Melanie for news of the outside world, but she is so small and she doesn't read newspapers or really anything at all.

The Death Eaters come into his room then and say, "Are you going to tell us what we want to know?"

He shakes his head, unable to make a sound.

In the background, Melanie says – young and childish – "What do they want to know, Reemy?"

(She's even given him a nickname. Not for the first time, Remus thinks he could kill his interrogators with his bear hands.)

They leave with sinister smiles. "Are you sure?"

 **night.**

That night, Severus happens past their cell. "Snape!" Remus whispers urgently. Snape stiffens, having clearly heard them, but keeps walking.

"She's a little girl. She's a _little girl."_

"I'm well aware," Severus finally says, turning to face them.

Melanie cowers behind Remus.

"You're not even twenty-two. Have you gone mad? _She's a little girl."_ It's been nearly a month since Remus has talked properly, but in Hogwarts he had always been eloquent. He _needs_ to make Severus see reason. He's not a hardened Death Eater – he's so young, just like Remus.

"If I'm not mistaken, you and your friends were pleased to offer me the same fate and not even in the name of anything," Severus drawls. Remus could scream at the idea that this is _in the name of anything._

Severus reaches the other end of the room and opens the door to leave. "In the name of _killing your best friend,"_ Remus says quietly. Lily and Severus hadn't been friends in nearly five years, but Remus is no fool and knows that Severus had missed her through their last days at Hogwarts.

Severus pauses, giving no indication he heard Remus other than that, and leaves.

 **day twenty-seven.**

 **morning.**

Remus can't remember how long he's been here, or what day it is, but he figures it's going to happen tonight when they spell off his chains. He wonders what the point of them even was, until he realizes they had simply wanted to make him feel more helpless.

He stands and stretches, walks around the cell. Melanie hasn't spoken in a few days, and in another lifetime, he would have comforted this small child, but he's thinking about another small child and a promise he made, and illegal animgagi, and Lily's slightly patronizing laugh when Remus had asked if she would still be his friend, even knowing he was a werewolf and her subsequent, "Don't insult me, Remus Lupin. Of course."

Not for the first time, he wonders if Sirius is in another cell and if that's how the Death Eaters found out.

His bones ache, but he nearly makes himself sick on the gruel they feed him. Maybe if he's less hungry, tonight will be less horrifying, he tries to tell himself, but he knows that's a fool talking.

"Melanie," he finally says. She's braiding the corner of her ringlet, again and again. "Tonight, I need you to close your eyes." He thinks this might be the best advice he can give her, but he's quite frankly not sure.

"What do you mean?" she asks, high-pitched and young. Her hands have frozen.

"Have you ever had a nightmare?" he asks.

She nods. "Clowns," she murmurs after a minute.

"Well when I have a nightmare, the best way to end it is to just slam my eyes shut and picture my favorite place, and then I wake up, and it's all okay," Remus says.

He wonders if he can really do what he is describing to her. Can he really just let this little girl die? Can he really _rip her to pieces,_ and expect her to just think it's a bad dream?

This is _his_ bad dream.

"Reemy," she says. He tilts his head, indicating she should continue. "I'm _scared."_ Her voice is the most serious it's been in the whole time. "I miss my mum and dad, and I'm _scared."_

He curses and realizes he's done nothing but frighten her more. He thinks about James and Lily, and then he thinks about Melanie's mum and dad and wonders what their names are.

"I – I know."

A life for a promise kept. That shouldn't be so hard, should it?

 **afternoon.**

He naps for a short while and wakes from a nightmare that reminds him of nearly killing Severus and transforms into him eating Melanie and her parents crying and James and Lily looking at him with disgust. He is hot and sweating and saying, "I can't. I can't. I can't."

More than that, he realizes he's not sure if James and Lily would even _want_ him to. He starts picturing Harry's face looking up at theirs – never Remus's. He's no fool and knows he's not leaving this place alive – and asking about this night, asking about a small girl and asking why his Uncle Remus had let her die.

He looks at Melanie and her brown ringlets transform into Lily's red hair, and he'd rather die that betray his friends, but he doesn't know that he'd rather kill.

(He justifies – they must know that they're not safe. They must have noticed he's gone. Never mind that they were in hiding and wouldn't have seen him regardless. They must know. _They must know._ Mustn't they?)

 **nighttime.**

It's approaching nighttime when he and Melanie both start at the sound of Severus outside their cell again. Heart in throat, Remus looks at this boy he went to school with for seven years.

Severus disappears through the hallway without a word. "Wha…" Remus trails off.

Melanie is the one who spots it, the silver Potions knife on the ground of the cage.

"Don't touch it," Remus breathes.

He wonders if they'll let her live. He's no fool, and he honestly doubts it. But there can't be much of a worse way of going than what they have planned for her tonight. They'll probably just shoot a killing curse at her.

Remus wants to live so much that it hurts. He still has so much he wants to know too: how did he get here? Why would Severus do this?

Will Harry grow up to be a good kid? Is Sirius okay? Will he be a good godfather? (Of course he will.) How's Peter? Are James and Lily still deliriously happy?

(Have the Order been looking for Remus or had they thought he had turned?)

"What's the knife for?" Melanie asks, after Remus hasn't moved for a long moment.

He doesn't want to die. He doesn't want to die. He doesn't want Lily and James and Harry to die. He's useful, damn it. If he gets rescued – it's not going to happen, he knows, but he can hope, _damn it_ – he can still be useful. He can still see Harry grow up, see Sirius spoil him, see James and Lily and Peter, and _live._ She's going to die anyway, what does it matter if he's the one who kills her?

(He thinks about Melanie's smell and his teeth on her throat.)

They'll understand, he thinks. They have to understand.

 **end.**


End file.
